Walk with Me…

Written by Jenn Ball 

What if you lost your best friend only weeks before they were supposed to be standing by your side as you said “I do”? Or what if, while planning your big day, your mom or dad is called home to be with Jesus? What if? 

How can you move on while you’re mourning the loss of the most important person of your life and the world around you is moving forward? I know better than anyone what you must be feeling because in the past three years, I lost both my parents only fifteen months apart. It doesn't get easier, but I promise you that you will get stronger, one day at a time. 

Whether you lost your nanna years ago, or a friend recently, they would want you to carry on. So live for them! Don’t stop planning; instead find ways to honor them without mourning them as if it was their funeral all over again.

As a wedding planner, I have experienced severe loss with couples and even with parents of the couples who lost  their loved ones throughout the planning process. I would love to share with you a few stories and ways we honored and remembered those not presently with us.

First, if the sight of a photo or item triggers that good “ugly” cry, you may want to rethink how you present their memory. Do you list them on your program, save them a seat on the front row with their favorite flower or their hat/apron? Maybe you fill a table or ladder full of memories and light a candle for those not here today. I’ve had a groom play his mother’s favorite song after the cake cutting to feel her presence. Some knew exactly who’s song it was and others quickly learned as the room filled with stories and memories of her. There are so many ways you can feel that person’s presence without taking away from your special day.

Being a bride and not having your sweet momma there to go try on dresses, or assist you, is going to be difficult. Lean on your mother-in-law when you can. Ask your friends to tag along, and remember to take time to process everything during and after your planning sessions. Some items and tasks will be triggers that may cause you to break down and cry. Remember, it’s okay to take a moment for yourself. Talk with your significant other about your concerns and pains. Then dig into ways you can honor and celebrate with them without mourning them.

One of my weddings had lost two of their wedding party members recently during the planning process. They added sunflowers in the bride’s bouquet to honor one of them and placed a beautiful lantern filled with flowers where the best man should have been standing. The honor of walking “him” down and setting it out before the wedding is still a memory I’ll carry with me forever.   

In a recent Hallmark movie I watched, the groom uses his father’s prayer shawl to bless the Chuppah. I’ve had brides take a piece of their grandpa’s blue work shirt and have it sewn into the under-portion of their dress in the shape of a heart as their “something blue.” One of my grooms once had a piece of a family member’s shirt sewn behind his tie to know they were present with them all day. I’ve also had couples wear their grandparents’ or parents’ wedding rings to honor them.

Having recently lost my dad last year, my heart breaks when I see and hear a bride break down when she realizes her dad won’t be there to walk her down the aisle to give her away.

However, in all my years, I’ve never been so emotional until recently when a groom came up to me just minutes before they were about to walk down the aisle. He said, “I’ve got a crazy weird disturbing request.” My reply was, “Okay, I’m game; I’m always up for a challenge.” The groom told me about how the bride’s father passed away three years ago and that she was sad that there wasn’t anyone there to walk her down the aisle. Then he placed his hand over mine and said, “Right before she walks down the aisle, please give her this and tell her her dad is walking her every step of the way.”  When I opened my hand, there was a small vial with her daddy’s ashes. I lost it. Talk about an incredible husband to be knowing exactly what she needed in that very moment. That moment is one of the most amazing and beautiful memories I’ll never forget. He walked her every step of the way.

At the end of the day, remember your loved ones in your own special way. Know that they would rather you be present, and want you to be happy on this glorious day. Truthfully known, they actually have the best seat in the house. They are shining down on you, smiling, and couldn’t be prouder of the amazing person you’ve become as you grow stronger with your soon-to-be husband or wife. And when you walk back up that aisle to your “happily ever after,” remember to live every day to the fullest!  Don’t put off that date night with one another or postpone those travel plans. Instead plan to do everything in honor of those that are no longer present with us.

Peace be with you my friend, 

Forever Daddy’s Little Girl,

GOSH I’m miss her, 

Jennifer Lloyd Ball

Jennifer Ball MWP

Owner of Knot Your Average Events

Co-Author of the Planners Unplugged book project

Based out of Whitsett NC but servicing all of the Carolinas, surrounding states & Caribbean

Sandals Honeymoon & Destination Wedding Specialist

www.KnotYourAverageEvents.com

910-617-2271